Writing Contest: Dad Jokes

Hey Woozens!

Happy Father's Day! As you know, we recently asked you to send us your best Dad Jokes! We got a ton of embarrassing jokes that we couldn't help but laugh at, and we've narrowed it down to our faves.

So, cue the eye-rolls and check out our faves below.


I decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because "I'm not big enough or strong enough."

I've just handed in my too weak notice.


Don't be worried about your smart phone and TV spying on you. Your vacuum has been gathering dirt on you for years!


My friend threw a milk carton at me...

How dairy!


My Dad went to a cafe to order a coffee. When he took a sip he spat it out immediately.

Dad: This coffee tastes like dirt!

Barista: Sir, it's fresh ground.


So, I told my sister that I was going to ride a bike made out of spaghetti.

She told me that it was impossible.

But boy, you should've seen her face when I rode pasta!


What did the bison say to his son when he left the house?



A husband arrives home from working at the keyboard factory. He walks inside, tired and frustrated, and sees his wife in the living room.

Wife: Whats wrong, hun?

Husband: I got fired!

Wife: What did you do?

Husband: I didn't put in enough shifts.


I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.


Dad: What are you drinking, son?

Son: Soy Milk.

Dad: Hola Milk, soy padre!


What's the leading cause of dry skin?



My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo.

So I had to put my foot down.


I love my furniture.

My recliner and I go way back.


I met my boyfriend while visiting the zoo.

There he was, in his uniform....

Straight away, I knew he was a keeper.


I was named after my Dad...

Because I couldn't possibly have been named before him.


I asked the guy next to me if he had any sodium hypobromite.

He said NaBrO.


Why does Waldo wear stripes?

Because he doesn't want to be spotted.


What sounds like a sneeze and is made of leather?

A shoe.


What do lawyers wear to work?

A lawsuit.


Waitress: Would you like a soup or salad?

Dad: I don't want a super salad...I want regular salad


Where does a dog go when it loses its tail?

The retail store!

Congrats, Woozens! The winners above will receive a sweet Woozen prize!