October 16, 2014
Attention all Woozens!
You saw it here first! Recently, the Woozworld Health Organization (WHO) announced that a CURE and VACCINE for the dreaded ZOMBEARDTOSIS had been found!! Of course, Woozens everywhere were overjoyed. But our joy quickly (re)turned to terror and despair as the WHO revealed that they only had enough “cure compounds” to make a limited supply of the cure and vaccine – exclusively available in the Woozworld Store!
But never fear, your trusty Woozarazzi is here! Unsatisfied with the “official” report, I decided to find out what exactly this mysterious “cure” is made of. My search lead me to the laboratory of Professor Preztige at Woozworld High (and in order to enter it, I had to resort to some methods that were, uh, well, not strictly legal).
While rummaging around in Professor Preztige’s messy lab, I was able to uncover a list of the compounds required to concoct the cure:
Slime from Albino Toads
Sun melted Chockolienz
The head of a rare purple mushroom
Ground-up rainbow gemz (which gives the cure its beautiful color)
Shed hair from Golden Yetiz
Unfortunately, Janitor Beex came in to clean up while I was looking around, preventing me from finding the ingredients necessary for the Zombeardtosis vaccine.
I’ve tested these cure ingredients myself, and you can trust your faithful reporter when I tell you that for now, you can cure yourselves, like I did, by finding these ingredients in their natural settings around Woozworld! (BUT be careful.. as these ingredients are super rare, you can only use them once. If you get infected again… it’s you to blame!)
But what does this all mean? Who are the WHO? Are they even trusted? Are they credible? I did some investigating and came across an interesting find… W.H.O. really stands for “Weird Happenings Organization.” THAT’S RIGHT, WOOZENS! Could it be that the giant ooze machine is NOT the real source of the terrible Zombeardtosis infection? I have reason to believe that this is all an elaborate plot!
“Who gave you clearance to be back here? This is a private area!” a mysterious member of the WHO said when I entered their lab to demand answers. “There’s an unauthorized Woozen in the lab asking weird questions,” the unknown WHO member mumbled into a phone, which prompted security to kick me out.
More as this story develops from the ONLY trusted source of Woozworld news, the WoozWeekly.