October 7, 2014
FROM THE WOOZWORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION (WHO)
6 OCTOBER 2014
WARNING: SEVERE DISEASE OUTBREAK. KEEP ALERT. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woozens of Woozworld, we are receiving many reports of a strange disease sweeping the Nationz. Zombeardtosis, as it’s being called, causes a bluish skin discoloration, extreme eye irritation, and rampant facial hair growth. With time, symptoms may include further skin degradation, loss of vocal control causing unusual speech patterns, and/or a craving for brains, but these reports have yet to be confirmed.
We do not yet know the original source of the disease or its infection pathway, but it does appear to be highly contagious and airborne. We advise you to avoid all currently infected Woozens, including close friends and family members; Zombeardtosis is going viral faster than a trending tweet.
Woozworld’s top scientists are hard at work to develop a treatment for this potential pandemic, but until then the safest route is to avoid infection as best you can.
We urge all Woozens to:
-Stay in Unitz that you know are safe and infection-free
-Take care of your own safety before attempting to contact or help others
-Be vigilant and aware of your surroundings at all times
Above all, stay tuned to the WoozNewz and Hot Topicz for the latest reports regarding this outbreak.
Good luck out there.
WOOZWORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION (WHO)
END OF EMERGENCY BULLETIN.