September 20, 2014
Woozworld High’s hardest-working member may very well be its oldest, Janitor Beex. At any given moment he can be found scrubbing, mopping, sweeping, and stumping around the school and mumbling to himself. All the while, Janitor Beex loves cleanliness and order above all else. Our reporter, LilyWooz, was finally able to catch up with him as he left the cafeteria, dragging a bag of garbage behind him and complaining loudly about food fights.
LilyWooz: Hello, Janitor Beex. Thank you for taking the time to meet with me to have a natter about the strange eventz of GoodOldWooz’s disappearance.
Caretaker Beex: That’s Caretaker Beex to you. Aye, this better be quickie though… these corridors are filthy. Blimey, it was spick and span not even two minutes ago.
LW: Sorry Caretaker Beex. If you ask me, these floors are so clean I could eat off of them.
JB: Well I ain’t asking you. Ya see that wrinkled up paper over there? FILTHY BRATS! Always muckin’ up the place.
LW: Oh, I can pick that up for you.
JB: Guilty conscience, eh? Yer lucky I can’t take you to see the Head Teacher.
LW: Um, yes, well, let’s get back on track, shall we? It’s well known that you know this school better than anyone else.
JB: Alright. Yerse, I know this school inside ‘n’ out, includin’ all the fastest routes and secret passages these tinkers are always tryin’ ta use.
LW: With to your expert knowledge, can you shed any light on the situation that perhaps other people would miss? Ms. Yeti told me that you were the one to inform her about GoodOldWooz’s disappearance.
JB: Ms. Yeti dun know know nuthin’ she’s blabbering about! I was takin’ the rubbish outta the cafe, just like I am now, when the dinner nanny comes in blubberin’ and wailin’ on about summat awful. Normally I don’t pay much attention to that ol’ grub-stirrer, but Mrs. Neon rarely gets in such a state. Finally got her to make some sense, then I had to run down and check on GoodOldWooz’s lab room meself. And if that place weren’t a right pigsty!
LW: Really? What had happened there, do you think?
JB: Well, these teachers is always makin’ messes of some kind or another, and the science blokes are the worst of all. And if they ain’t makin’ messes they’re tryna clean ‘em up, which just makes things worse. How many times did I tell that GoodOldWooz not to use up my supplies? Soap doesn’t grow on trees!
At just this moment, the bell rang, and students began pouring out of their classes. Caretaker Beex set off at his fastest pace without so much as a backward glance, yelling, “Oi! No runnin’ the corridors!”, leaving LilyWooz with her questions unanswered.